I’m starting to think that being myself is not worth it; at least, in an office environment where so many people seem to find interacting with others incredibly stressful. I refer to an instance which occurred only this week between myself and another colleague in the same department. As this person is a job-share, they have less time than most to accomplish all tasks within the time-scale provided; should anything put a spanner in the works, they will feel under pressure for the rest of the day because it intrudes on other agenda. Then again, if you are ranked “Assistant Manager”, it’s a given that you’ll be under pressure for most of the day, and as a job-sharing Assistant Manager, the pressure is even worse, right?
Not that I give a shit. It’s not my fault you were promoted 20 years ago and no longer have the balls to act the part. And it’s not like you’re doing the statistics, either. Since I created a spreadsheet to help management assess our department’s performance in a way that is fair, why not leave me to look after the statistics while the team leaders are gone? And this is on top of new targets brought into effect during my annual leave: an increased number of assessments and a quality percentage based on assessments amended. Not very stressful, I suppose, compared to handling office politics from other colleagues in management, but still, it’s something I’ve been left with, rather than you, and I think that’s actually saying something.
So why talk down to me when you have to do your job? Assistant Managers from a different department wish to appeal some assessments I did the previous day and this somehow surprises you? I would love to review such appeals myself, you know I would, but this isn’t really possible when I personally did those assessments. And what’s that? My renewed former nemesis is the one who raised these concerns, and because this intrudes on your day, you want to give out to me over the most trivial things? You know we can’t write any opinions on our assessments and yet you so readily take the side of my renewed former nemesis because you personally don’t like the fact I’m doing my job?
I’m starting to wonder if I’m going mad or just catching other people’s madness. It feels awfully like the latter. Taking into account that this job-sharing bitch has worked for donkeys in the same company, had their pension demolished by the economic downturn, and also taking into account other factors I couldn’t possibly guess at, I can see why they would fix their glare on me and let loose. After all, I have a reputation, it seems, for being “The Harsh One”, which some team members feel is creating more work for our department and even more discord. In my defence, all I can say is that my experience as an agent can make it seem like I’m being very harsh; it’s always the way when you’ve done something yourself and know how it should be done, especially when you’re the only one who has some fucking practical experience. And to top it off, I’m critical by nature. If this trait needs to be tempered by experience in the role, then so be it, but representing my recently appealed assessments as if I’m a green girl is really something else, and I said as much to the job-share when they offered two key remarks: “I cannot change you” and “Does it have to be black and white? Can’t there be some grey in between?”
Hold up, what? Where does changing my personality come into reviewing appealed assessments? You can certainly change my perspective, but saying things like that about me as a person is beside the point. And how can there be grey between the black and white when our procedures are slowly crushing all leniency out of us? Have you forgotten what company you work for and how it came to be in the state it is currently in? No one here is trying to make trouble for somebody else. We’re just trying to do our jobs in a toxic framework and that isn’t our fault any more than it is theirs, so what the fuck? Are you annoyed because you actually have to work? You’re closer to retirement than I am, so be grateful! I still have years and years to put with up bullshit like this. Or is it because you think I have a heart of stone just because I don’t fully sympathise with a customer in the middle of divorce? Talking down to me like I don’t fucking know what a divorce is! You’re still fucking married and didn’t put your own kids through hell and you dare to explain to me, who grew up through such a thing, what a fucking divorce is…
You need to fucking retire.